Jul 192012
 

We all know them. It doesn’t matter if you train for MMA competitions, or if you are even in a combat sport. They are everywhere. I like to call them Tapout Kids, and they are spreading. They are a cunning hunter that wants to corner you and waste your time with trivia and options that the Internet would blush to be associated with, but like all true wannabes they have never worked in or trained for the sport which spawned them. They are at your gym, lurking at the mall, employed at your job and they can only be avoided if you know what to look for. Below is a list of signs that the person in front of you is a Tap Out Kid.

 

 

 

“Where do you train UFC?”

Yes, I have heard this one. Alternately it could be couched as “Where do you train Ultimate Fighting?” When a TOK (Tap Out Kid) finds out that you train any kind of martial arts it is often one of his first questions. There are variations of course,  “Do you do Ultimate Fighting?” and “I wanna be a Cage Fighter.” etc, As soon as you hear this you are certain of two things, first, the person speaking to you knows nothing about MMA, and second, you really wish you weren’t talking to him. Your best bet is to fain that you have no knowledge of the sport they speak of. Then, like a bear tiring of pawing a dead carcass, they will wonder off to ambush another unsuspecting victim.

Tattoo power

We all know that tattoos in the right place will attract women and terrify other men. The TOK will have on his body a poorly drawn tattoo, generally either a logo from one of the more popular MMA equipment brands, or poorly thought you slogan such as “I’ll never tap”.

It doesn’t matter what area the tattoo is on, the TOK will have it exposed proudly to the world as though to say, “Come see what manner of man I am!” Like he was the Brave little Tailor… err… come on, you had parents, the story about the dude who walked around with a belt with the words “Seven in one Blow” written on it? Old German fairy tail? Anyone? Never mind.

Anyway, do not comment on the tattoo, even if there is a spelling error. This is what the TOK wants you to do, its a trap. You must act as though the fact that he is walking around exposing his belly to the work place is the most natural thing in the world and go about your business.

They wear disguises

The TOK might be wearing fight shorts, and a rash guard. Normally nicer then any that you own. They are always nicer then what I own… :(

And he won’t necessarily be at a gym. He will just walk around like this. On the bright side, every once in a while these posers are mistaken for real fighters and have been subjected to ruthless beatings before everyone involved realizes that they are just a poor idiot with a credit card. I will admit to administering a few of these myself. You are always left feeling confused and slightly ashamed, and he is left bruised but strangely triumphant. Don’t give them this satisfaction.

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