Aug 112011
 

Wow, busy week. I’ve ignored the last week’s UFC so completely that I’ve given up at this point and instead give you the top 5 weirdist martial arts weapons.

Martial arts generally make sense. We start simple, punching folks, then progress to kicking people, biting, clawing, etc. Then some wise guy thinks, “Why don’t I just chunk you with a rock.” And someone else picks up a stick, and its all down hill from there. I don’t know how many generations it took for martial artists to come up with some of these, but they leave you with the just one question. Why?

5.The Iron Fan

For the dainty martial artist

So someone says, I need something to defend myself at formal occasions, that will match my dress, and help me deal with the lack of air conditioning. So he took the the lightest object he could find and decided to make it into a weapon to hit people. I give you the iron fan. It was a simple design, basicly iron slats replaced the wooden ones and when you folded the fan, it made a decent club and could be used for blocking.

 

 

4.Hook swords
We have all thought it at one time or another. Our main problem with a sword? Too pointy. You could put someone’s eye out! So the Chinese took the end of the sword and bent it into a crook, took the point and put it on the hilt (so you could stab yourself) and there it was, the hook sword. Honestly, kind of a cool weapon. It was used in pairs so that enemy weapons could be trapped and countered.

 

3.Monk’s Staff
It was right after the staff was invented. Some shaolin monk got drunk and when he woke up he found he had speared a bird cage. His students said “Master were you drinking last night?” He glared at them and insisted he had done that on purpose, and had to figure out how to fight with one on the spot.

 

2.Claw on a rope
One day two kung fu masters were standing around arguing about which of their styles was more powerful. One of them finally said, “Well our style can kill a man ten feet away with a back scratcher!” and to back up his claims this baby was born. It kind of looks like a kung fu meteor hammer with a claw attached. As far as I can tell this is called (and excuse my spelling) a Fei-Zhua? I am not sure that this weapon makes it faster to kill someone, but it looks like it will hurt.

 

1.Urumi
Used by a martial art in southern India, it had a handle like a sword and thin whip like blades that could be coiled and carried with you. I speak only for myself, but I would do more harm to myself then I could ever do to an attacker with one of these crazy whip swords. When I think about the amount of work that it must take to make one of these, and all the training to learn how to not kill one’s self, I gave it the number one space for inciting most strongly the question why?

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