I know, a double post on a Monday? Calm yourselves, the world isn’t ending. Sometimes change can be a good thing.
I guess I should preface this. The best unarmed zombie fighting martial arts. I know you are thinking, “Who in their right minds fights zombies unarmed.” I counter with, “Zombies aren’t real! So logic plays a very loose role here. Idiot!” …Sorry about that last remark, I get emotional when I talk about zombies.
Here are the basic ground rules.
1. If you get bitten, you die and become a zombie
2. To kill a zombie you have to some how destroy its brain, although severing its spine will stop its body.
3. These are running zombies, not the really slow shuffling zombies.
More after the break
3. Tae Kwon Do
Distance. Before anybody starts pitching a fit, let me explain. Tae Kwon Do stylists have forever been criticized by other martial artists for using too many kicking attacks. But in this case, this is why it is useful. Your leg is longer and stronger then your arms. You normally wear a shoe. If you have to strike a zombie, best use something that keeps them as far away from you as you can. Tae Kwon Do guys are also about distance and the ability to transition from foot to foot to keep kicks flowing. The chances that any martial art will be able to crush a zombie’s head, thus killing it are slim to none, but knocking it back or knocking it down, that can be done, and who better then the masters of kicking?
2. Muay Thai
It boils down to the clinch. Zombies have to get their head to you to bite you. Muay Thai is all about the clinch and controlling the head. They can strike and even roll the zombie to the ground as needed. Hopefully the constant drilling of leg kicks might allow them to down advancing zombies. Once again, no much chance that you are going to knee the zombie’s head in, but break its leg, or sling it away, sure. Now I know, you can only clinch with one zombie at a time, but hey, its a darn good start!
There is very little point to trying to kill a zombie by hitting it. The human skull does a great job protecting the brain. Since zombies don’t feel pain, and at least in the movies I’ve seen, can’t be knocked out, without a weapon, generating enough force to kill the said zombie will be very difficult. On the other hand, if every time a zombie grabs you, you control its head and throw it, it greatly increases your survival chances! A lot of zombies are wearing clothes, so getting good gi grips are even possible. And although striking the head might not be very effective on zombies, spiking them on their heads might do the trick. Judo for the win!
Worst martial arts for Zombie Survival
3. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu
I know that BJJ is supposed to have most of the throws of Judo in it, but lets face it, BJJ guys like to fight on the ground. Once you are on the ground, what does a Jiu Jitsu fighter plan to do? Choke the zombie? Joint lock it? True, if you knee bar a zombie, it will have a harder time chasing down the next guy it goes after, but it didn’t stop it from eating you. Don’t go out of your way to grapple with the undead.
Sorry gang. I know it could be argued that using the momentum of a zombie sounds like a good idea. The lack of nerve receptors makes most of the controlling locks of Aikido pointless. No one is trying to hit you, just bite you. And it doesn’t feel anything you are doing to try to stop it. No wrist locks for zombies.
I love boxing. But face it, trying to smash a zombie skull with your bare hands just won’t work. Boxers don’t have any take down defence and are normally used to fighting fighters who want to hit them, not bite them. Add that to the fact that you can’t knock a zombie out (that I know of), you have taken away the boxer’s main advantage. Lets just hope a boxer has good foot work.
Feel free to let me know what I’ve missed.