Feb 272012

In my relentless pursuit of blogging excellence I managed to pluck this Internet gem out of the ruffage that is cyberspace. It is Capoeira Fighter 3. It will take a while to load…

Capoeira is an awesome crazy martial art from South America. It was developed by slaves, but since they didn’t want their masters to know that they were training to fight, the art is disguised to look like…break dancing.

Slave owner 1: I think the slaves are up to something.

Slave Owner 2: Why is that, its doesn’t look like they are plotting a revolt to me, just some harmless break dancing.

Slave owner: Yeah, good point, who doesn’t break dance after a long day of toil in the fields?

But for most of us, we remember Eddie from the Tekken series, or any of the token Capoeira fighters. Despite having a style that would make a kung fu stylist “is that a practical way of fighting?” he was on of the easiest players to win with in the game. I’m glad they finally got their own game, and with the graphics they deserve.


Feb 242012

Although you may not know it, Iran’s nuclear ambition isn’t the only thing that is threatening our nation’s security. Indeed, we have defenses in place that can shoot down plans and missiles, but frankly, most of the Western world is unprepared to deal with Iran’s Ninja Army.

Yeah I know. Ninjas, there goes the neighborhood. If the rest of the world won’t sell Iran cutting edge technology, they decided to dig up some old world war-craft on us. Best part about this is what their stated mission for teaching women ninjutsu. Not to help the women gain personal safety, not to empower them, but no, to defend the nation against outside aggressors.  “We train women to have strength and ability. We have to do everything in our power to protect our homeland,” said Akbar Faraji, who runs the school.  “Our aim is for Iranian women to be strengthened and if a problem arises, we will definitely declare our readiness to defend our Islamic homeland.”

Well I guess ninjutsu is the perfect for them, its the only martial art that already makes its fighters train in a burka.

Continue reading »

Feb 222012

A new study has concluded that bathing in cold water after training is great for helping your muscles recover and preventing muscle soreness. 366 people were forced to run for a period, then immerse themselves in tubs of icy water for up to 24 minutes. The result was those who were cruelly  frozen reported less muscle soreness then those who didn’t. We of course realize that tests like these are nothing more then propaganda from coaching lobby groups. The coaching and instructor lobbyists are dedicated the justification of hazing preformed on athletes of all kinds. The glaring flaw with this study is that of course those people who had to sit in an ice bath reported less soreness, they were afraid that they would be forced back into the ice tubs if they didn’t give the answer researchers wanted! Its like saying “New study has found that people who are threaten with violence are less inclined to testify in court then those who haven’t been subjected to intimidation!

Anyone who has done any serious training knows that trainers and coaches of all kinds thrive on hazing their trainees. Martial artists are no different. Look at the Shaolin monks, they made their students stand on their heads for hours and then they made them break bricks on their heads. Judo classes normally start off by making their students repeatedly throw themselves at the ground to “learn how to fall”. (What stupid excuse, everyone knows how to fall! Its basic gravity.) You know that Judo sensei is just standing in the front of class laughing. Karate guys have had to hit wooden poles with their bare fists for years. MMA fighters…well… mixed martial arts training is where the people who like getting hazed go…

But whatever you do now, you can look forward to a nice ice bath when you finish. Remember, I’m gunning pulling for you!

Feb 202012

You might recall me making fun of the Gracie Rap “G in a Gi” that I posted a while back. Well not to be out done by the Gracies, Eddie Bravo, head of 10th Planet Jiu Jitsu has released his own Jiu Jitsu theamed rap.

If the Graices can create Jiu Jitsu, Eddie Bravo thinks he can improve it. If one of the Gracies thinks he can do a rap about Jiu Jitsu, then darn it, so can he. Watch out world, its about to get poorly planned in here.


Feb 172012

You simply can’t run a martial arts blog without talking about ninjas. I mean you really can’t, ninja’s will enforce this rule and you won’t see it coming. Because they are freaking ninjas!

The other reason is because most people only think of two things when they think of martial arts, Tae Kwon Do (and strangely they think they are thinking of karate), or Ninjitsu (but really they are thinking of Chris Farly). So I guess it is no surprise to you that there are children’s books about ninjas. Well it is a surprise to me!

Because I don’t mean children oriented like anime, I mean like easy reading. I have even found a site that will read it out loud to you, or your child. Now I’ve only listened to a short bit, but the story plot is like this, two kids have a magic tree house and it transports them to Japan where they run into some friendly ninja who help them find their lost friend. Some time down the road the ninja disembow someone and the kids spend the rest of their childhood in thearipy.

I didn’t listen to the end, so that last part may be slightly off the mark, but last time I checked the main things ninjas did was killing folks, and interestingly enough most parents try to keep their children away from that kind of thing, or so I am told.

 Posted by at 8:16 am
Feb 162012

Ladies and gentlemen, trying to come up with something to mock all the time is difficult. But if I gave up, who would floss the dark cavities of the Internet to bring you these little nuggets of joy from where ever they have lodged themselves?

Representing Shelby NC! This man claimed to be an undefeated street fighter. And as we martial artists are told by people on a regular basis, “Yeah, your moves might be find in the ring, but its a different story in the street.”

Yeah, the people we fight are actually trained. This dude actually had another fight after this one, also knocked out. Can’t figure it, you would think that the ‘stash would have given him an advantage.



Feb 142012

After losing to decision in his fight with Carlos Condit, many people felt that Nick Diaz deserved a rematch, well mostly Nick Diaz, but I am sure his brother, and most of his trainers felt the same way. In any case, Dana White had everything set to allow such a match…until the drug screenings came out and Nick Diaz tested positive for marijuana. Now it might be a while before Diaz gets to fight either Condit or GSP.

The Diaz brothers have a history of doing things their own way. Mainly by not doing things. This will make the third weed related issue in Nick Diaz’s career. When asked if marijuana was getting in the way of his MMA success Diaz said, “Actually, on the contrary, my fight career has gotten in the way of my marijuana smoking.” Its good to know there are roll models like this out there.

Despite many people’s low opinions of Nick Diaz’s intelligence, he personally thinks that he is quite clever in 2009 he went on the record to tell everyone how he could easily defeat athletic commission drug testing. I have an easy way to deal with [the drug tests].

“I can pass a drug test in eight days with herbal cleansers. I drink 10 pounds
of water and sweat out 10 pounds of water every day. I’ll be fine.”

Because I am captain of this brainship and I can single handily defeat science using only Walmart herbs and water. Its fools proof!

When you combine his past difficulty with the UFC, refusing to appear at press events and such, and now his is bound to get a six month suspension (normally pot only carries a 3 month suspension, but some bright guy has been caught repeatedly before) it wouldn’t be surprising if no one feels like catering to his brand of crazy anymore.

 Posted by at 9:34 am  Tagged with:
Feb 132012

Long before Fedor Emelianenko was famous as an MMA fighter, he was a Sambo and Judo champion in Russia. Russians take their martial arts more serously as a culture then we do here in America. When was the last time you watched Judo or Karate? Maybe as a bit part in the Olympics. Anyway the final fight for the Natianal Sambo Title was between Fedor and his little brother, Aleksandr. Skip to about 3:10 if you want to skip to the “fight”

As you might have seen…you did watch it didn’t you. I can wait….

Anyway you can see, it wasn’t much of a fight. It kind of looked like they hugged for a second, then Fedor decided to be a jerk and throw his little brother then armbar him. But then I started thinking with my mind brain and (yeah, my mind brain, don’t interrupt my mental process!) decided that apparently the brothers don’t fight each other. I’m sure its just being an American raised during the Cold war, but when ever Russians reach a championship, I expect either fight fixing or down right cheating anyway, so I can’t say I was surprised. Ever since Rock 4 I’ve been struggling with trust issues between myself and mother Russia, so bare with me there.


Feb 102012

If you follow the UFC at all, you know Joe Rogan. He’s the really loud commentator who give the impression that he is on cocaine most of the time. I think this is due to being on cocaine most of the time. Of the two commentators who host the UFC broadcasts, he is the only one who seems to know anything about martial arts.

This comes as little surprise to most UFC enthusists who know that Mr Rogan is one of the senoir students of 10th Planet Jiu Jitsu’s Eddie Bravo, who ironicly is normally always stoned. I hesitate to metion Mr Bravo ever since the rant I was lucky enough to touch off when I talked to Royce Gracie on the subject. However what some of us might not know is that Joe Rogan is a second degree Tae Kwon Do Black belt and national champion. And according to GSP, he has the best spinning side kick.

So who knew